


Angelic Whispers

by demonladys



Series: Alchemical Love [4]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, F/F, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-binary character, Pre-Relationship, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Transphobia, somewhat ooc, trans headcanon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:42:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21888352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonladys/pseuds/demonladys
Summary: Reona hears about a rumor regarding Aya Maruyama’s past, and learns she may have more in common with her hero than she ever could’ve expected.
Relationships: Hikawa Hina/Maruyama Aya, Nyubara Reona & Maruyama Aya, Nyubara Reona/Tamade Chiyu
Series: Alchemical Love [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1576381
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	1. Paradiso

**Author's Note:**

> CW: transphobia, dysphoria, implied references to past self-harm, references to death, and implied suicide ideation  
> trans!reona, trans!aya, nb!hina. a short story about reona finding out someone she admires is trans.  
> characterization may be a bit off due to still early in terms of RAS appearances in canon.
> 
> comment moderation enabled to dissuade transphobes.  
> (side note: i've organized this into a series alongside my other trans bandori fics, but you don't need to read part 1 or 2 to read this.)

Chatter echoed all around before inevitable silence, the panel room was filled with bright and smiling Pastel Palettes fans, eager to get a glimpse through the window between themselves and the band’s lives beyond the stage. Reona sat right in the front row -- she wanted so much to see the girls’ beautiful faces up-close. It was a typical Q&A session; the five angelic idols sat at a table together in front of the audience and took turns answering questions.

“Eve, what is food like in Finland?”

“Aya, are you going to continue pursuing your dreams now that you’ve graduated?”

“Hina, what’s your favorite song you’ve recorded with the band?” 

“Maya, do you play puzzle games in your free time?”

Each of them had their own way of answering, and they were all so cute. Miss Eve was thoughtful. Sometimes her Japanese was a bit broken but fans adored how hard she pushed to make her voice heard. Miss Chisato answered any and all questions with ease like a true professional. Even her occasional teasing jabs at the other girls came off as clever, maybe even scripted, but never felt unnatural. Miss Maya had a habit of geeking out and going way too in-depth with her answers, at least until Chisato would have to cut her off. Miss Hina was more spontaneous. Sometimes she’d blurt out answers to questions not even meant for her, and other times she’d ask questions to the audience and be met with confused glances and head scratching. 

And of course, nobody could ignore Miss Aya -- so clumsy, stuttering over words sometimes but always trying so hard to seem confident and collected. She wasn’t fooling anyone, but maybe that’s why the fans loved her so much. Her pure passion truly resonated with Reona. She’d even memorized some of the star’s corny poses, sometimes mimicking them in the mirror when nobody was looking. Reona raised her hand, patiently awaiting to be called for a question. When the moderator picked her out, she almost jumped out of her seat. “Miss Aya! If you could pick anywhere, what venue would you most want to perform at?” she asked, making sure her inflection was as cute as possible.

Without a second’s hesitation, she answered, “I’d love to play at Tokyo Dome! Maybe someday we can make that a reality!”

Aya glanced aside toward Miss Hina, but the wild card idol didn’t even need a prompt to join in. “I wanna play on the moon! I wonder how big of a crowd they could fit up there?” Cue laughter from the audience. Those two played off each other well, that much was clear. And Reona was no stranger to online message boards, so it wasn’t too rare to see the occasional slash fics of AyaHina popping up in the recesses of the band’s fandom. While she didn’t want to get caught up in that kind of unsavory speculation, she did have to admit they’d probably make a cute couple. N-not that that’s why she dyed one of her wigs in their colors, no way! That was… for a different reason.

The Q&A continued on as normal until the man sitting right behind Reona got selected for a question. She could almost feel him against her neck. Gross, gross, gross. His voice was raucous, accusatory. “This question is for Aya. Can you confirm the validity of recent rumors regarding you being a crossdresser?” It sent a chill down her spine and all across her arms, she swore her heart stopped for a good couple seconds. Her spirit threatened to leave her skin, and all she could do was watch Aya’s reaction.

“Eh?! Um…” Miss Aya was always upfront about her emotions, even at the worst times. Any fan could sense the sincerity leaking through her every word and gesture -- she wasn’t guarded like Chisato or unpredictable like Hina. So the anxiety in her eyes, the fear and bewilderment on her lips -- they were unmistakable. As Reona shivered in her seat, dead silent, she noticed Aya doing the same. And she couldn’t help but wonder why.

Aya was still squirming in place trying to muster up a response ‘til Hina cut her off. “Haha, are you kidding? Could you even imagine Aya in a suit? She’d never agree to it. I bet she’d look adorable, though!” Hina was always an enigma -- you could never really tell if she was lying or not. On the surface, her answer was a total misunderstanding, but there was a slight chance it was actually a clever deflection. Either way, the audience chuckled along with her. A sigh forced its way from Reona’s gut, and her nerves calmed just a sliver. Still, that man’s breath grazing down the back of her neck pumped fear into her bloodstream.

Chisato took the mic now. “I’d like to remind everyone that we are not responsible for nor will we address any rumors or gossip. Please refrain from asking inappropriate questions.” So cool and collected, of course this was nothing for someone as mature and experienced as her. The man sat back down and his presence faded from Reona’s immediate attention, only lingering behind her like a terrible gnat. Relief pushed itself out as another heavy sigh. It almost felt like the girls were protecting her, in a way.

She sat still through the rest of the panel with an uneasy feeling in her stomach and the paranoia that she was being watched. At the same time, dots connected in her head as Aya’s expression remained devoid of its usual shine. Could it be, could it really be? Miss Aya, of all girls…? The thought of nosy ‘fans’ gossiping about that disgusted her to her core and she already needed to take a shower as soon as she could. Yet cruel as it was, curiosity’s spark had already ignited. She had to know for certain.

* * *

To her surprise, Reona spotted a familiar pair of adorable hi-tech kitty-ears on her way outside of the conference hall. Beneath them was her band’s miniature producer in a crimson letterman jacket and plaid blue skirt. “Madame Chu2? Were you waiting for me?”

“Pareo! About time you got out of there. C’mon, I’m walking you home, remember?”

“Ah! I forgot! Sorry to keep you waiting!” She’d been so caught up trying to wrap her head around the rumors that she hadn’t thought about much else, and ended up leaving a good fifteen minutes late. Madame Chu2 seemed only slightly annoyed, but Reona was still disappointed in herself for losing track of priorities. As they headed off, she made sure to walk as closely behind Chu2 as possible so she’d be in perfect range for affection. “Hey Madame Chu2, there’s been something on my mind from the Q&A…”

“Yeah? What is it?”

“I think Miss Aya might be like me.”

“What, a total nerd?”

“No, I mean. Trans.”

Chu2 stopped in her tracks, and Reona just barely managed to stop herself without bumping into her. She turned to face her. “Maruyama? That’s a pretty bold claim. How do you know?”

“It’s just my intuition.” She thought back to the moment things fell into place. Based on that guy’s tone, it was pretty clear he wasn’t asking Miss Aya a lighthearted question about a peculiar hobby. Sure, a female idol with a part-time job as a cosplay butler would be something to note, but that wouldn’t be enough to cause such panic on Aya’s part. If Miss Hina had figured that out, there’s a chance she was protecting her bandmate by turning the question on its head. Which meant it was safe to assume the rumor is true. But if Hina had just been answering cluelessly, the theory goes out the window. Still, Aya’s lightless eyes couldn’t be ignored.

Chu2 leaned back, hands behind hair, her eyes locked with Reona’s. She was an entire head shorter, but her presence demanded a certain level of respect. Well, sometimes. “I hope you’re not thinking of doing something stupid.”

“Well, I do _kinda_ want to know for sure. I don’t really have a plan, though. I can’t just ask her directly. I know too well the kind of stress that’d put on her.”

Madame Chu2 closed her eyes and sighed, solemnly kicking at the ground. It was rare to see this side of her. She usually came off as confident and unwavering, sometimes to a fault. When this kind of vulnerability shines through in private, it was proof of the trust she placed in her most loyal follower. “If this were anyone else, I’d tell you to just give up and say you’re being ridiculous. But I know this means a lot to you. Still, I don’t want you getting yourself hurt again.”

Reona nodded, her heart ached. “I’ll try to be careful. I don’t want to ever return to that dark place.” She placed her arms over Chu2’s shoulders, securely hugging her against her chest. “Thanks, Madame Chu2.”

Chu2 pouted and turned her face away, cheeks clearly red from the side Reona could see. “D-don’t thank me, I’m just saying this because you’re a valuable member of the band!” Still, there was serenity tied to the concern. While her words tried to disguise it, the sincerity in her heart was unquestionable.

* * *

Reona found her gaze fixating on every single Pastel Palettes poster sprawled across the cherry-blossom walls of her bedroom. They were the most amazing band ever, five super cute idols who play their own music! In the center of nearly every promotional piece was Miss Aya Maruyama, the pink-haired pop star who always pushed forward toward her dreams without looking back. Aya was an inspiration to everyone, Reona included of course. She searched hard for some kind of hint, but of course nothing turned up. Face-shape and bust-size were hardly clues. Which was a relief, though that didn’t stop strangers from calling Reona ‘sir’ even in her girliest outfits and the absurdly long and vibrant wig.

Yuck. Those thoughts made her skin shudder. She glanced to the mirror in the corner of the room. Now without her stylish pig-tailed wig or any makeup, stuck in her gray night clothes, she could only see a dull mess of black hair and the worn eyes of a young man who she wished so much never existed. He was a nightmare she couldn’t wake up from -- no matter how hard she tried to erase that part of her, he never seemed to go away. And believe her, had she tried.

She threw herself back into bed and squeezed tight onto the Maruyama plushie she had knit for herself. Somehow, the doll gave her a comfort that overrode all else, despite all the cuts it took to make from pins and needles jabbing her fingers. The other four plushies sat atop her bedside shelf, watching over her like guardian angels. A thought crossed her mind -- maybe there’s a way to send Miss Aya a message, something subtle. Of course she couldn’t say it aloud. A gift, something discrete. Maybe if she gave Aya the plushie in her image, but put little pride flag bows on her pigtails? No, that’s a bit much.

As she stared at the ceiling, she recalled another tribute she’d created -- a journal she hadn’t touched in at least a year. Maybe with writing, she could reveal herself in a way only visible to those who truly understood. She rolled to the edge of her bed and, upside-down, dug in the shadows beneath. Her fingertips grazed the familiar vinyl cover, and as soon as she pulled it out, dust flew out from below. She tried to brush it away, but she was left with her nose itching and throat ready to cough up. She coughed, and managed to aim her wheezing right onto the diary’s cover to blow the dust away.

Once her chest recovered, she skimmed through the pages. Inside were months and months worth of short fanfiction pieces about Pastel Palettes and herself. I-It wasn’t anything weird, she swore! Just some lighthearted misadventures with her five heroes.

_Weekend Afternoons_

_On her day off, Eve invited Reona to have tea with her! It was sooo much fun, she’s so nice and always talks to her about how the way of the samurai is to show kindness to all and protect those they care about. She’s so dedicated to her Bushido code, Reona really admires her! And then Maya showed up and they went to the music store, Reona loves listening to her talk so much about all the equipment and stereos and even parts she knows nothing about! When she’s around the Pastel Palettes girls, she always learns something new. “I hope we can be friends forever,” she thought._

Hah, looking back she knew they weren’t good by any means. It almost made her eye twitch just reading it. So embarrassing! But beneath the shame glowing on her cheeks, she could feel a tug on her heartstrings. She flipped through every page and hardly skimmed most of them but just a glance was enough to return to those days. No matter the quality, she needed to write them. It was all she could do to manage this cruel world. An outcast, a freak -- the only thing that kept her going back then were those instances of solitude where she could pretend she had friends.

_Secret_

_Reona came out to Chisato. She was so scared, she thought Chisato would hate her so much. But she didn’t think much of it! “I’ve worked with actors like that. It’s best if you don’t share this, but I’ll have you know that I have nothing but respect and admiration for them.” Reona couldn’t believe what she heard. “Are you sure? You don’t think I’m creepy?” Chisato shook her head. Even behind her fake smile, Reona sensed sincerity within. She was so relieved. And Aya was there too. “Reona, I believe in you! Keep trying your best to be a girl! If anyone can overcome this, it’s you!” She’s so sweet, Reona wanted to cry. What did she do to deserve friends like them?_

With nowhere to turn, she had no choice but to make up a safe haven in her own imagination. It was no more than an illusion, and she wasn’t fooling herself. But the feeling that someone out there might accept her was one she clung to, no matter how unrealistic it seemed. And she wasn’t wrong to have hope -- she met Madame Chu2 not long after. Could… could Miss Aya really have gone through that sort of thing too? She turned the page. Teardrops leaked out when she saw the next story’s title.

_Heaven_

_Reona prays every night that someday, some sympathetic god will fix her body and make her right. It’s gotten stronger every day, and hope is starting to fade. “When I die, I hope I’m reborn as the girl I’ve always wanted to be. And at heaven’s gate, you five will welcome me with open arms and wings of love. We’ll soar through skies untouched and create a rainbow from our hearts. Our souls free from the weight of this world, we’ll fly with pride as angels without a master. Shed our feathers upon the living and unshackle the boys and girls of the world, and everyone between and beyond. Or at least, maybe I can find joy in the next life with you. Please, angels, take me away.”_

Yeah, this was too much to show anyone. Especially not anyone from the band -- she couldn’t imagine the weight that could place upon a girl like Aya’s shoulders. Memories hit her like a falling star with a bolt of inspiration. A personal letter to her shining hero might be just what she needed to get her message across. She’d have to deliver it herself, and luckily, a meet-and-greet session was scheduled for just a couple days away. Lucky!

* * *

_Dear Miss Aya,_

_I was cursed from birth to be someone I’m not. Maybe you know what that’s like? Maybe I’m wrong, but either way, I want you to know that you and the others have helped me so much. Your music, all of your TV specials and your whole journey have been guiding lights as I march toward the future. I’m far-off from being the girl I want to be, but watching Pastel Palettes shine with such wondrous luster has kept me going. Watching you push forward no matter the hurdle, watching you work with all your might has inspired me more than you could ever know. I’m braver now. I chose this name for myself, and now I’m strong enough to introduce myself with it. And I’ve found friends who don’t mind that I’m like this. I want to someday feel proud of the person I am. That day won’t come for a long time, but no matter what, the road there was paved by the strength you lent me._

_Sincerely, Reona_ _⚧_

The day of the fanmeet, Reona was more than prepared. Sealed in an envelope labeled ‘For the shining star, Miss Aya’, her letter was safely tucked away inside her bag. She stared at the mirror touching up her concealer one last time and admired the pastel blue and pink stripes of her wig. The rest of her was so alive with color, soft purples and blues and pinks all around her shirt and skirt. Heart filled with cheer, stomach filled with sweets, fists clenched. “You’ve got this, Reona!”

Her confidence began to waver when she actually made it to the fanmeet. Inserting herself into Aya’s line, she felt butterflies fluttering inside her stomach. Come on, come on, hurry. The line wasn’t particularly long and she really didn’t mind waiting most of the time, but her nerves were getting to her as she gripped tight onto the envelope deep within the bag. Better make sure the event staff doesn’t confiscate it. The message she wrote replayed in her mind, her heartbeat raced. It took so much strength to not feel unending shame. She reminded herself again and again; of course it’s embarrassing, but it’s honest.

She awaited her turn. Closer, closer it came. Her legs were shaking and her feet grew numb, but even so, she kept moving forward one step at a time as the line thinned. Before she knew it, there was nobody left between her and Miss Aya. Suddenly all the words she wanted to say vanished from her mind and her legs refused to move. But Miss Aya simply smiled, bright as the sun. Radiant enough to melt her heart. She approached the table. “M-miss Aya, I’m h-happy to see you again!”

“Of course!” Aya beamed and held out her hand. And god, she was gorgeous in her floral pink dress. “I’m always happy to see our longtime supporters!”

Reona’s fingers quivered like frostbite. With one hand, she nervously took Miss Aya’s to shake and was met with a delicate touch unlike any other. With the other, she tried to fish the letter from her bag. It was just between her thumb and index finger, but they refused to cooperate.

While she struggled, Miss Hina’s head popped out from the divider behind Aya. “Aya, I’m going on break now!” But before she could leave, her eyes fixated in Reona’s direction. For a few seconds, she stared blankly, but it felt like an eternity. Reona felt sweat drip from her own forehead as she finally managed to get the envelope out. “Hey, aren’t you the girl from that really zappy woosh-woosh band?”

“U-um, I…”

“Pareo, right?”

“Y-yes, that’s me!” she shouted while her skittish fingers lost their hold on the envelope, dropping it onto the carpet. “Eep!” This whole situation started to seem like a dream, but if she was asleep it could only be a nightmare. As she kneeled down to recover the letter, she half-expected it to self-combust on the spot. Thankfully, it didn’t, so she probably wasn’t dreaming. Phew! “U-uhm, Miss Aya, I w-w-wanted to give you t-t-this.” She held out the envelope and tried to carefully hand it over. But her butterfingers failed her once more, and it landed right in the middle of the table.

Aya took the envelope carefully and giggled. “Thank you! I’ll read it as soon as I can.”

The energy radiating from Miss Aya’s beaming face was overwhelming, not to mention Miss Hina’s sudden excitement directed toward Reona. She promised herself she’d be brave. She promised she wouldn’t cry. But she couldn’t hold it back, all her emotions forced their way out. “I-I know I’ve said this before, but I really l-l-love all of your music! It…” Her voice cracked in every direction as sobs escaped. Dammit, she now realized that she should’ve worn waterproof makeup. She probably looked hideous like this. “It’s helped me s-s-so much! I don’t know where I’d be, or w-who I’d be without you!” Her sobbing was completely out of control, and all she could do was stand there babbling.

“Haha, you and Aya are really alike, Pareo!”

“Hina, hush.” Aya gave her a brief glance of irritation before her expression turned to worry. “Are you okay? Um, can I get you anything?”

“N-no, it’s fine.” Ugh, now she was stressing Miss Aya out. She tried to swiftly wipe teardrops away on her sleeve. She reached across her eyes, and her inner arm got caught on one of her pigtails. Sweeping it back before she noticed, it tugged, yanking the wig out of place onto one side. And as soon as she realized, she felt her heart stop. 

Everything around her slowed down, except the beat inside her chest which switched into full throttle. Her worst thoughts caved in on themselves and any joy from the moment before had vanished entirely. An absolute whirlwind of satisfaction and distress, but disgust won out. Absolutely pitiful. “A-ahh! Don’t look!” she squealed, and before she could even think about a proper farewell, her legs were already moving. Sprinting, full panic. The best she could manage was pushing her lopsided wig down, barely succeeding to keep it on her head and struggling to adjust it back to how it should be. Her stomach weighed heavy, her chest heavier, and all that came after was nothing more than a blur.


	2. Terra

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reona receives an unexpected visit from someone she really doesn’t want to see right now.

She’d had this dream a dozen times before, some variant of a memory. Purgatory was a world cut off from her own, a place she was told would give her the help she needed. Reona lied on a slab of stone that could barely pass as a mattress, staring face-up at the ceiling of stalactites that had gotten too familiar. Walls lined with empty caskets and torches interred in the catacombs, yet shards of light crept in through cracks in the walls and ceiling. Across the chamber from her sat a girl in a black tank-top, ankles chained to the floor, stalagmites entrapping her arms. Her eyes were without life or color, but her mangy red hair shined ever-so-slightly beneath the sunlight. “You’re leaving soon, aren’t you?” she asked, motionless.

“Yeah.”

“What are you gonna do next?”

“Tell my parents. They have a right to know.”

“Tch.” She pulled herself up and broke away some of the stone spikes around her arms. Reona tried to ignore the girl’s penetrating gaze, but she felt it peering into her. “And what if they don’t accept it?”

“I guess I’ll be homeless.”

“It’s not fucking fair. Why is it your fault if you didn’t want to be their son? Why should you suffer for them when you didn’t do anything wrong?”

It was probably the first time anyone asked her something so freeing. She rolled onto her side, returning the red-head’s gaze. “Sorry.”

“No. You have nothing to apologize for.”

There it was again, the strings entrapping her heart came undone. “You said your name was Chiyu?”

Chiyu nodded. “And you’re Reona.”

“I made that up. My actual name is-”

“It doesn’t matter what it was before. You’re Reona, nothing else.”

Her mouth hung wide open, a single teardrop fell from her eye. “I’ve never met someone like you, Chiyu.”

Chiyu sighed, turning toward the cracks in the wall where a window should be. “I’m just fed up with adults who think they know what’s best for us. They don’t really care about how we feel or what we want, they just want us to fill a role that we didn’t even decide on. Like my old man. Fuck ‘em.”

Reona couldn’t look away. Despite her small stature and unkempt appearance, there was a certain beauty about her. Chiyu was so far from the pristine girls she usually idolized, but she had her own kind of radiance. “Once you’re out, it’d be nice to meet again,” Reona whispered solemnly.

Chiyu looked to her once more. She must’ve noticed the awe glued to her face. From across the cavern, Chiyu pointed. “You’ll meet me again. Don’t you dare forget me! I’m gonna change the world someday!”

Reona couldn’t help but giggle. Now she had something to look forward to, besides idol concerts. Reona truly wondered what the world Chiyu envisioned might look like. “Then I wanna see it from the front row.”

* * *

Today Reona drowned herself in monochrome, unable to bear the shame from yesterday’s pastel disaster. At Chu2’s tower-top studio, she tried to fixate solely on the keys at her fingertips during practice. Her keyboard created a symphony of solitude. Even playing in tandem with her bandmates, she heard only her own sound, her own soul. But it couldn’t completely wash away the memories of yesterday.

“Pareo, too aggressive. You’re off tempo,” Layer said.

“Sorry.” It felt as if the others were a realm apart, and Lock’s absence that afternoon only widened the gap between them. The humiliation she’d suffered by her own hands weighed heavily on her heart, but she didn’t want to tell anyone else. Best to not burden them with something so worthless.

Suddenly the studio’s door shifted open and Lock, still dressed in her school uniform, entered inside. “Sorry I’m late! I got held up talking to someone after school.” 

Following her into the studio was an unexpected guest in a cerulean beanie. Someone Reona was nowhere near ready to face: the notorious guitarist-slash-idol, Miss Hina Hikawa, wearing an emerald coat and blue jeans. “Heya! I’m looking for Pareo!” She quickly threw her head in Reona’s direction. “Found her!”

Reona’s hands clammerred. She tried to set them on her keyboard, but even the gentle keys failed to calm her. And the unsteady heartbeat from yesterday was back.  _ “What are you doing here?”  _ she wanted so badly to ask. But when she opened her mouth, nothing. No sound at all.

“Hikawa!” Madame Chu2 shouted. “This is our private studio. Abscond!”

Hina either didn’t hear her or pretended not to, instead running directly to Reona. Looming above from the other side of her keyboard, she spoke. “Aya and I read your letter last night. It was so beautiful, even I was moved!”

By now, Reona was prepared for Hina to drag her through the mud and spit on her face, all while laughing about how disgusting she truly was. What she  _ wasn’t _ prepared for was a heartfelt compliment that ignored everything she had been ashamed of. “Y-you… read it?” Hear head felt fuzzy, but her chest felt oddly warm. “Why?”

“I was just looking over Aya’s shoulder when she was reading it. You wouldn’t believe how much she bawled afterwards!” There was a huge grin glued to Hina’s face, unusually earnest, almost loving. Empathetic, perhaps? “As for me, look!” She rolled up her left sleeve to reveal a bracelet made of yarn. Striped across it was a pattern of honey yellow, pure white, lavender purple, and pitch black. 

That distinct combination of colors felt oddly familiar. She tried for a few seconds to recall where she’d seen it before, and her mind soon conjured the image of a certain pride flag. The pieces clicked together. It was the symbol for those who weren’t men or women, those who were both, and everyone in-between. Without even thinking, she let out the loudest gasp possible. “You’re…!”

“Yup!” Hina nodded, her grin grew wider.

Now she was embarrassed for a totally different reason, and at the same time, exuberant. “S-so, you understood what I meant in the letter?”

She nodded again. “Of course! Aya really wanted to talk to you again, too.” Hina turned around, glimpsing at each other member of Raise A Suilen as if to ask for approval. “Do you mind if we borrow her for a bit?” Hina was quite the wild card. One minute she’ll laugh when it’s totally inappropriate, but the next minute she’ll sweep girls off their feet? What a mystery.

Nobody had any problems with Hina’s request. Nobody except Madame Chu2, that is. “Objection!” She marched to the keyboard and pointed her finger at Hina. “I’m not sure you noticed, but we’re in the middle of practice. You can’t just come marching in here and tell us to stop everything on a whim!”

“M-madame Chu2, I really don’t mind…”

Chu2 ignored Reona’s plea and continued spewing complaints, though Hina didn’t seem to pay them any mind. “Honestly! Did you even consider that she might decline? Did you just expect us to hand her over? Like we were just gonna agree to anything you ask, just because you’re an idol or whatever?!”

She refused to relent. Reona recognized this reaction -- Chu2 wasn’t usually one for aimless ranting or condescension. Sure, she could be rude, but she only acted like  _ this _ when she was genuinely scared. “Chiyu,” Reona spoke sternly.

Chiyu fell silent, then looked down to her feet. Carefully, she lifted her gaze once more and looked directly into Reona’s eyes. “Are you sure you can trust her?”

Reona shook her head. “I don’t know. But you can’t change my mind. I want to hear what Miss Aya has to say.”

Chiyu exhaled, her deepest worry wrapped the air around Reona. Like a gentle hand atop her own. “I’m coming with, just to be safe.”

Reona turned to Hina. “Is that okay?”

“Yeah, no problem!”

The three of them soon found themselves inside an elevator going down to the lobby. Chiyu stood silently, though Reona could tell she was watching Hina carefully with a stare of distrust. Meanwhile, Reona decided to chat with the enigmatic idol. “I like your bracelet.”

“Thanks! Aya made it for me after I came out. My sister helped, too!”

It seemed more likely than ever that Miss Aya really was the same as Reona, but it was so difficult to imagine. Regardless, it was reassuring to hear that Hina didn’t need to hide her true colors around Aya. It was rare to hear anything about an idol’s personal beliefs or feelings, so every new revelation eased the anxiety. Yet it was still so surreal, almost too sweet to be true. “Why did you come here?”

“Like I said, Aya really wanted to talk to you. I think she could tell what you were going through, even before she read what you wrote. She wanted to chase after you but Chisato told her not to. And she’s probably right, it’s not safe to run after every fan who cries in front of you! But…” The elevator came to a halt and the doors slid open. Hina turned back and winked. “I think we can make an exception in this case.”

* * *

Bathed in sunset, the beautiful Miss Aya Maruyama awaited at the nearby park. She was dressed in an elegant cream-color sweater hanging just off her shoulders and a cute violet pleated-skirt. Wrapped over her shoulders was a pastel-colored flag of blue and pink stripes, with one huge white strip in the middle. She held her arms above and the flag flew across her back, graceful wings of heaven. Like an angel, soaring free. Hina ran to her side and left a kiss on her cheek, and she gave another in return. A special bond never illuminated by stage-lights, never more than whispers in the dark. Before Reona’s eyes, the stars above fell to Earth as humans, no more or less than any others.

Chiyu stood behind, still observing. Reona couldn’t imagine what she might be thinking. However, her scowling expression seemed to soften up in the twilight.

Aya extended her hand out, inviting Reona to take it. As much as she wanted to accept, her whole body clammed up. “It’s okay,” Aya’s eyes filled with melancholy. “I know the rumors make it seem like I’m deceiving everyone. They treat me like I’m a trespasser for following my dream. I guess I should expect as much.” Her radiant aura overflowed, entangling everyone in its radius. The cool autumn air was nothing compared to her. Even Chiyu couldn’t look away. She looked so tranquil, yet the desire to let her emotions spill everywhere was plain as day. “But I don’t care. I’m not ashamed of myself anymore. And you shouldn’t be, either, Reona.”

“It’s true then?” Words got caught in Reona’s throat. She clenched her fists, trying to break through the fear that held her back. “You’re my hero.”

Aya blushed, fingers squirming with shy pride. “Haha, I’m flattered.” Her smile radiated with the light of a blazing star. “Honestly, I wondered about it all the time. If anyone like me was out there, watching our live shows and everything. It’s hard to be a girl like this, I’ve always wondered if there was anything I could do for people like you. Like us.” Serene, she shut her eyes. “I know I can be pretty selfish sometimes. But I’m so happy to know that all of my work could help someone else.”

“I’m not sure I even would’ve realized who I was if it weren’t for you, or if I’d even made it through all the grief and torment. Pastel Palettes helped me so much along the way.”

“We really are alike. That’s how I was, too. It started when I was still little, I saw a Marmalade special on TV and after that, I always wanted to be one of those beautiful girls up on the stage. Especially Ayumi! She’s so pretty, I always strived to be like her.”

This blissful feeling of connection was something brand new. Yet there was something Reona couldn’t ignore, the dread that pressed her soft spots everyday. “Don’t you ever get scared?”

Aya shook her head, water leaking through her eyes. “Of course I get scared. If my voice ever cracks or if I ever don’t shave well enough, that could be it for my career, or even my life. That’s terrifying.” She wiped away the tears with her fingertips, so delicate, her smile unwavering. Then latched one arm around Hina’s. “But I won’t let that stop me. I’ve learned to stand on my own two feet, and I’ve got a wonderful partner who watches my back. And so many other friends, even friends who are like me and you. I’m stronger now, just like you -- brave enough to reach out my hand.” And so once more, she did.

Without a moment’s hesitation, Reona took it. Her touch was different than before. The weight was weak, but her grip steadfast.  _ “You really are amazing, Miss Aya,”  _ she wanted to say, but those words weren’t enough. So she did all she could to express: held on, with all her might.

“I know it’s going to come up sooner or later, but I’m not ready to be honest with everyone just yet. Even if the agency was okay with it. But…” Her palm, still locked with Reona’s, began to shake. Her voice shook, too, and gentle teardrops fell without cease. “I-it’s just so wonderful to know that all this time, someone was watching! If I could give you hope, I’m satisfied!”

The complete humanity of Aya Maruyama was a sight to behold. Reona couldn’t hold back the tears anymore herself, and stumbled forward. Aya hugged her close. She wasn’t ashamed now. Here and now, they were equals -- just two girls finding solace in each other’s embrace against a harsh world.

“It’s so hard sometimes, but I’m so glad I can be me! I’m so glad we get to embrace who we are!” Aya bawled.

Reona buried her sobs into the angel’s hair. “You absolute goddess! You inspire me every single day of my life!” Together they basked in the sun’s fading light. Two angels caressing beneath dusk, she could feel wings grow in her heart and soar to skies without restraint.

“Ahem!” Chiyu cleared her throat, approaching Reona from behind. “After what I’ve witnessed, I’ll admit that I misjudged the both of you.” Her tone tried to disguise it, but she couldn’t hide that she was crying, too. “But don’t think this means I forgive you!”

“Come on Chu2, let’s join in!” Hina scooped Chiyu close and threw the both of them over Reona’s shoulders. Heavy! But welcome, loving. Reona truly wondered what she did to deserve this bliss.

Their warmth converged for minutes until tears dried up and they all broke off. They split back into respective pairs, ready to part ways. But before they could leave, Hina suggested, “Hey! Why don’t we exchange LINE IDs?”

“Eh?!” Reona jumped back and squirmed. “I-isn’t that off-limits? Fans aren’t supposed to have personal information like that, right?”

“Fans?!” she chuckled. “You’re not just our fan, you know? Think of yourselves as our friends, both of you!” The four of them fumbled around with their phones for a couple minutes. Even Chiyu must’ve been too exhausted to protest, and they soon had the idol duo’s contact info plugged in. And in exchange, Aya and Hina had theirs. 

By the time the couple ran off into the distance, the stars poked holes through the sky. Reona watched until they left her sight, content with an exhilarating day of honesty and trust. Chiyu stayed by her side, her demeanor completely disfigured from the harsh glares she’d been shooting earlier.

Reona had fallen from grace at heaven’s gate, but rose once more to purgatory’s peak. Now she walked this earth, her queen of hearts at her side. Divinity abandoned, angels walked alongside her. Their whispers in the wind drove her along, so that someday, somehow, she might all live free from the shadows of the world. Though paradise may be elsewhere, there was surely a brighter future in a world reborn.

“Pareo. I mean, Reona,” Chiyu addressed her, headphones hung around her neck.

“What is it, Chiyu?” She met her eye-to-eye. Just for now, she would speak to her not as her loyal follower, but as her best friend. Or perhaps something more.

“There are some things about you I might never understand. Even if we’re both… nevermind.”

“I know,” Reona giggled, peaceful. She looked to the stars above. “I want to change the world, too. For you and me, and both of them. And Lock and Layer and Masking, even Hanazono and everyone else. If I could create a world in which none of us had to get hurt, then I think I’d be happy.”

Chiyu was left without words. Instead, in an unexpected gesture, she held tight onto Reona’s side, her face against her chest. Chiyu’s grip on her cardigan sleeve was unbreakable. As Reona held her friend between her arms, she could see starlight glimmer in her hair. This feeling, her heartbeat off-rhythm and her stomach filled with ease, was surely one she’d cherish forever. There was a link between them that neither could grasp in its entirety, a kinship neither had felt in the cold of their childhoods. But deep in their hearts, they must’ve known it was love.

**Author's Note:**

> hoo boy i am not looking forward to finding out how poorly my characterization matches with canon when anime s3 airs. special thanks to RunaLiore for beta reading and lots of brainstorming help. additional thanks to alice_dualswordlesbian for letting me consult her on characterization.  
> basically at some point while writing my trans sayo fic ft. trans aya, i had this idea of “what if pareo is trans and finds out aya is trans. and gets really excited about it.” also wanted to incorporate nb!hina into it. in a sense it’s a followup to the trans sayo story, though i also wanted it to work as a standalone fic.  
> feels good to be writing again! this ended up a lot darker than i had anticipated but i hope it’s still uplifting enough to balance things out. thanks for reading!


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